I made my Sex posts on Nairaland. You know how that place is a jungle. Cowards hide there and are bold enough to insult anybody because they do not use their real names. You can’t trace them. So, I was ready. You can’t be a trendsetter and not be brave. This sexpert of a thing is still new to many Nigerians and they would arrest me if they could.
Others simply talk behind my back, few Ignoramuses venture to insult me on Facebook, but they receive more than they can chew. By now they have learnt I don’t take prisoners, the hard way.
Some dolts actually think that because I teach sex and I am also a woman (!), that I know nothing else like politics. But they are shocked when they jam with me. I am first a fearless author (who create “stealable” stories from nothing) before I became a sexpert.
So, I decided to place my WhatsApp Sex Seminar on Nairaland. Then they came. One faceless guy with an idiotic Nairaland name like ipobboysarecriminals came after me. He used uncouth languages, insults. Even called me a prostitute and a scammer. He said he was going to come to Facebook to expose me that his friend was my friend on Facebook.
I dared him to show his face or real name. I knew he wouldn’t because he was a coward who hid behind fake names on Nairaland. Such people cannot talk or make a pip on Facebook.
Then, I analysed him. I told him that he was a bitter man with sexual problem who is always angry or furious against the world. Instead of seeking solution like sane men do, he came to pretend in public, to insult those better than him. I told him I knew he was going to sneak into my inbox or WhatsApp to seek for help, and I would catch him.
He swore he would never seek help because he knew the foods to eat to overcome erectile problems, that they were there on Google and Youtube.
I laughed, because I knew his type.
True to type, after one month, he sneaked into my WhatsApp to seek for help. He had very tiny penis and wanted me to help him with penis enlargement pills.
I made him.
So, when I didn’t help him. He came with dirty language after few weeks to solicit for sex.
He didn’t know how I was able to detect that he was the Nairaland maggot. He was shocked to his bone-marrow.
I immediately searched him out, got his real name.
One thing I am blessed with is the serendipity. As a gifted writer, I can easily tell who you are by the way you write. It is like fingerprint. Only consummate criminals can change their writing style completely. And they are rare in this country.
So, I called his phone, he picked. He was in a beer parlour. You’d think it was a young man that was misbehaving like that. This is a middle-aged man with family. From his voice he is not less than fifty years old. His name is Kenny Soye, graduate of LASU (2007).
They are many like him everywhere. They will come publicly to condemn my work, then come inbox to beg for assistance. They will discourage others from doing something then sneak in to do the same thing.
By Ify Asia Chiemeziem