How My Family Destroyed Me (Lesson On Wrong Assumption)
Nothing is as painful as having one’s family not trusting her even when the person has given the family no reason to distrust her. The most important thing is not to throw this untrustworthy person under the bus but give her the benefit of the doubt until the teaching sinks in.
It was my grandmother who shared the above legend with me in the thick of my trial in life.
I was born the first daughter in a family of five. I have two other siblings, a boy and another girl who happened to be our last.
To start with, it is such a Christian family that God dropped me into and what a painful yoke it has turned out to be! My parents are the strict disciplinarian-hawking type who never broached the topic of sex education with any one of my siblings nor me. They believed that we should learn or have learnt and understood everything about sex and its education from the numerous Bible passages we have read over time as a Bible-reading family who prays together morning and night before going to bed. How erroneous their all-knowing assumption has turned out!
Well, I was eighteen years when my parents decided to throw the baby out through the window with the bath water. I had just completed my WAEC examinations and had seen my JAMB result and was staying at home as bored as Moses with the excesses of the Israelites so to say. NEPA it was that dealt me in the most. No light as always to keep me glued to the television with Telenovela and others. So, I’ll sleep the entire day, do light laundry and clean up our flat after my siblings had gone to school and our parents away at the market.
My prayer would be for the clock to hit 5.00p.m., so that I’d leave for church for any activity that would be running. I was that dedicated to the things of God. I equally used the opportunity afforded me by Church activity to reach out to my fellow Jambitos and exchange ideas none of my parents would be willing to give even when they have the knowledge of such an information. I had never had any reasons to incite my parents’ wrath up to the level they exhibited when they hit me hard with their ignorance spirit that pushed them into such wrong assumption.
I happened to be a member of the youth choir and a brother we all admire as young girls are wont to, happened to be our leader. He was such a kind-hearted young man.
And so it happened that as I was going to the church on a normal evening, a car driver splashed me with the filthy water in the middle of the road. I was such a terrible sight. The driver of the car didn’t even bother to apologize over his malicious deed. When I got to the church, only our leader had arrived and he reacted to my predicament by suggesting we go to his house which is nearby so that I would clean up. I readily accepted his empathy. Which girl wouldn’t! Such an Adonis!
He threw a wrapper to me and pointed me to the bathroom where I used a clean towel to wipe off the dirt on my dress with detergent and water before I used more water on some exposed parts of my body where the filthy water touched me.
We didn’t spend up to ten minutes in his house and he didn’t do anything funny towards me. By the time we got back to the church, there were other members of our choir who had arrived.
When I got home, my parents descended on me for going to Brother Joel’s house for my defilement. I cried and told them that nothing happened between me and Brother Joel but they would not hear of it. I suggested they took me to a doctor for a virginity test and my mother slapped the taste out of my mouth by asking me who taught me such a mundane thing. Good lord!
When I teared-out and rushed into my room which I was sharing with my baby sister, they came after me and dragged me out of our flat. Just like a joke as I assumed it to be, they threw me out by asking me to return to Brother Joel as he had become my husband from that day.
I seriously don’t know and hasn’t been able to fathom out who sold such gossip to my parents about my dalliance with Brother Joel and seriously, I don’t think I care so much.
I knocked on the door of our closest neighbor but they had gone to bed and no one came to answer their door. I ended up going to Brother Joel’s flat.
Yes! Brother Joel was all caring and when he started touching me in places I never knew existed, I permitted him to take me three times before it was daybreak.
That was how our pastor agreed with my parents for Brother Joel to marry me so as to hush the story of my promiscuity and there went my dream of becoming a graduate. All my siblings are graduates. Today, after four children and no real means of livelihood, I feel wasted and I’m yet to truly forgive my parents for being such idiots.