My Humiliating Experience In The Hands Of A Pretty Girl With Bad Breath
Good grief! This last Sunday, I was in low spirits as I trudged on to church to get a relief from my heavily laden burdens. Life of a man can be a pain in the ass you know?
I usually have this particular part of the church auditorium I prefer sitting above the other part. As I walked inside the church that beautiful morning with my heart weighing roughly on me, my pair of lovely eyes decided to help me out of my misery. That was when I looked up to the other side of the church where I hardly favour sitting and lo and behold, my eyes rested on her and a magical thing happened to me. I felt the burdens of the previous week depart my body and poor dear heart and ran for dear life. This lady in her late twenties looks exactly my type and without knowing it, my legs agreed with me and took me to secure the seat beside her. I sat on her right side. You know what that means, donchu?
I said my prayers amidst the conflicting thoughts laying siege all over me. Such a scatter-scatter prayer I muttered, before I hurriedly sat up and started ogling her, big time. Church or no church premises! What if she ends up my Caro? Abeg I no wan take chances. Some other smart alec could beat me to this elevation. I speedily imagined how I’ll make other guys go green with envy when they sight me all yoked with this sweet angel. What with this search for my lifetime partner in top gear?
I greeted her in my best voice modulation my previous exes have told me is charming. Yes, I’m so charming!
She warmed up to me and I decided to delve into small talks that sell me as a friendly good old guy who is willing to do every needful to have her as my friend even before the service gets underway.
When she opened her mouth that was when the near-putrid smell that is not in any way permitted to jump out of a damsel’s breath hit me in the tummy and made me double over like I wanted to go back to saying more prayers. Her stinking breath assailed me as she continued to reply to my earlier curiosity in her. I felt I was being asphyxiated throughout her reply which was lost on me as I battled to save dear life.
The bad breath resident in this beauty was so thick in the air that to the glory of God who loves me more than I love myself, an usher came to my rescue when she informed me that the pastor needed my attention on an important matter before the service resumes.
Good grief! I felt cheated. How could such a sweet lady permit such anointing on her breath? Poor dear! I ran away with all my breath ceased as I hurriedly took my leave without as much as saying another word.
I truly wished I was some scientist to help her out of this punishment. When I turned and looked at her in my flight, there was this look of hurt and disappointment in her cute eyes. I was more disappointed for all the right reasons! Whew! Jesus wept!