Banana Peels Of Marriage – Avoiding Them
No one can comfortably say that he or she has not made one silly mistake in their marriage that ended up threatening the peace which is at the core of their marriage and home.
Marriage is an institution divinely instituted by God himself to keep him bemused with continuous exercise at creation and expectations from his human creation. This institution has been ordained for human multiplication purposes and also for the exposure of the good, the bad and the ugliest that can be extracted from human behavioural patterns and temperaments.
Knowing that marriage is a union of two hearts to one, there are bound to be differences that need adjustments to help the shoe-wearers in this union naturally mesh into one heartbeat. This coming together either gives rise to a complimentary network of understanding that work out bliss or harsh realities as found by the banana peels allowing frail sense of lifelessness to grip all in your marriage, thereby pervading the land of a supposed pretty romance with pains.
For the purposes of the topic under consideration here, everything that takes place in marriage gives all involved the experience on best approaches to such issues they throw up. They are said to be waters that have passed underneath the bridge of marital life. But truly, if that is so, how come some of the events surrounding the passing of water underneath some marriages’ bridges come with heavy dramas that uprooted the bridge leaving the bridge-dependents (children mostly) to this sense of despondency that keep them exposed to life’s perfidious ways? Certain events in our homes and marriages if handled with care and prayers will help save the marriage irrespective of who among the spouse is a pain in the ass to the other. My wife and I have been counseled by older couples that one among us will have to be the weak one who is capable of withstanding the heat from the kitchen while the other raises hell, but I daresay the two persons making up this relationship must stay in that kitchen and not be a temptation to one another by stoking up the embers of the cooking stoke and fuel. Everyone of them should serve as the need arises as pilot and co-pilot of their marital successes. Whatever needs be done must be done to not get the kitchen hot, as naturally, no one deserves the curse of staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Now to these peels of marriage/relationship, they are largely unseen. Yes, that is so as while one is aware of those peels scattered about by the tongue and her forceful thought-pattern and process – the mind – one must not be ignorant of these unseen ones.
What are they!
Lack of understanding. No matter how outrageous your spouse’s action and inaction might stick out as, start by betraying that sense of understanding. It helps douse the tension that is already pervading your home’s and heart’ immediate environment and calms your significant other down. This a lot of people have abused a lot. Remember we said no one should do anything that will get the other out of the kitchen by making it hot and inconvenient for the other? Yes! Don’t abuse the fact that your spouse is the most understanding human in your marriage. Try and rival your spouse in this particular regard too.
Use of words and providing their accurate meanings. Don’t drop heavy-metal words on your spouse and expect him/her to understand your drift pronto or to react like Jesus Christ on the Cross. It takes patience and lots of explanation and teachings to hit the right button on your way to marital Promised Land of bliss. In essence, your tongue shouldn’t be used as a vehicle of dropping such hydrogen bomb on your spouse. Such asphyxiates the very real air you all breathe in at home. No oxygen means you are headed to Splitsville. Separation most likely leads to divorce.
Third-party Involvement. My dear, no two marriages are the same. There’s no way a couple are of the same temperament. They will never work together as they will never agree on anything. And by this, what a third-party you invite into your supposed lovely home brings doesn’t have the panacea which works for him/her to possibly work for you. Find out what works for you and your spouse and leave the heck alone all other persons out of your marital issues. Be they your grown-up children, parents, siblings and close friends. Keep them OUT! If you will bother to look closely, you’ll realize your spouse hates such involvement as always initiated by you.
Abuse! Battery! You know it! Don’t dare put your hands on your spouse! Domestic violence has killed many and sent plenty to prison. Be careful! Don’t be dumb. If you have ever failed here, through prayers and counseling, you’ll come out of such despicable marital-betrayer. In as much as this is seen, it still remains unseen. You never know when your emotions took over you and make you mess up. Don’t make use it as an excuse. Just stop it already! No one accepts their daughters and sisters becoming such punch-bags you know?
Lack of Communication. You should accept that your spouse is not into telepathy and therefore, must always carry him/her along in whatever you are doing. I know a woman who is so individualistic in her marriage. She never lets her husband know what she is up to but will want to know whatever her husband is up to. That is lopsided and it injures your marriage no matter what you may want to believe. What hurts you should be discussed at home with your spouse. At work, and wherever this hurt finds you, be a good sport honey, take it home to your spouse even when he/she is not proficient at coming up with the best of suggestions/solutions, still do it with your spouse. S/he is your gossip mate. Give him/her that opportunity to walk through your mind. You’ll find out that something good will come out of such an exercise.
Discussing your spouse in bad light. No! Why would you want to impression it on your spouse that he/she is not good enough for you? Have you tried telling God? This is a no-no! You are in your spouse’ life to affect it positively. I know a man whose wife is his strength. If you know you know! And wait for it! You begin to compare him/her with next door couple? Stop it already because it hurts beyond comparison.
Argument enfant terrible? Is that your power-forte? You use such a bad vice to win over your spouse in certain issues? Poor you! The fact that you win the argument doesn’t win you the battle. Argument draws battle lines between you and your spouse. It leads to resentment. Resentment leads to cold love, and when love waxes cold, dumb things will begin to grip life out of your marriage. The fact that your spouse is disagreeable is not enough to hate him/her. Disagreement is not same thing as argument. Don’t let your emotions deceive you by leading you into loveless marriage. Don’t take everything seriously by taking them to heart. Give room for creativity. This you do by always discussing your differences. Don’t force your opinions on your spouse. The backlash might break the camel’ band irretrievably.
Lack of Respect. Put back life into your marriage if you are caught up in this web. We all love being respected. Even when you don’t have it in you, endeavour to give respect to whom it is due. Your spouse should be respected far more than you respect your pastor. Failure to respect your spouse’ space, personality, weaknesses and strengths makes you a TOXIC being. Toxic spouse here is usually needy, selfish and insensitive to the other’s sensibilities and needs. In the end, you are the one hurting all with your sense of entitlement and that sucks big time.
There are others. But the above stated ones when handled carefully and applied to our marriages, help smoothen the rough path of two individuals coming together to fulfill God’s injunction to procreate and raise godly tomorrow leaders.